Ben II

This evening on the way home from work the train was reasonably full considering the time.  A young Asian guy sat down next to me and was seated checking out his smartphone for most of the trip toward New Westminster.  At one point toward the end he got up and then sat down across from me.  Then another young Asian guy sat down next to him.  He must have gotten on the train.  I was dozing off now and then but when I looked up again, the two of them were holding hands.  Lovers no doubt and certainly both very  good looking!

That's a photo of Benjamin Godfre above.  So, what interesting things have you seen in your daily life? I'm sure there's something!

Have a good night, guys!  - V

warmth

There's something to be said for the warmth of companionship.  We can't  have enough friends and certainly close friends that we can call companions in our journey through life.  What do you say? - V

a kiss

There's a lot more to a relationship than sex or anything like it.  Being able to get along, have some common interests go a long way too.  Being there for each other when it matters is necessary too.    Than's Dallas and Riley to give us the idea.  It works for same or opposite sex regardless.  Oh, and anything worth having takes effort as well.  You don't get nothing from nothing! - V

cars and stuff

Back in 2008 when Brad was first making plans to come out west and hopefully stay a while, he was driving this vehicle.  Unfortunately, the car broke down in the Gaspe region of Quebec.  In order to raise the funds necessary for the repairs, he and his brother worked as dishwashers in Montreal.  Later, Brad was working in the Gaspe region closer to where the car was working on a boat.  He was a mariner after all.

We messaged each other while he was in that latter region, as often as we could.   I guess after the repairs were done, he must have gotten homesick, so he drove east rather than west as I had expected.  I'm wasn't that hard on him and still am not.  We were all young once and emotions well up inside.  We do what we have to do.  Likely the car breaking down had something to do with it all.  Things were going great up until then.

At some point, when Brad is ready, he will get out here.  There's more than enough work out here, more than there might be back east.  All he has to do is make the move, even if someone has to come with him to make it all work.  He knows what I'm talking about.

So Brad, you want another car?  We can make it work here and arrange for it in the way we discussed.  Just get your ass out here and the rest will happen.  Perhaps December or early in the new year?  Love you!  What else can I say. - V

thoughts on Brad

This isn't Brad but model Josh.  I spent a long time thinking about Brad last evening and this morning.  There isn't a day that goes by where my thoughts aren't with him in some way.  I wake up in the morning to one of his images posted up in my bedroom and also the same image as a wallpaper on my computer.  And I'm sure his thoughts are on me as well even though he can't communicate with me directly.  Easy access to a computer would solve that but he doesn't have that option at the moment.

We are both friends on Windows Live where he is my only favourite and also linked on my family listing.  I consider him like family anyway and treat him as such.  Its an awful thing to be from a child from a divorce, tossed from one parent to the other and then left to fend for himself.  The friends that I know that come from such circumstances haven't fared all that well in life, and its not confined to friends.  I have family members from similar circumstances, half-siblings, so I know better than most what he might be going through.

All that aside, where Brad lives jobs are difficult to find (the east coast of Canada, Nova Scotia in fact).  That's why many leave for central or western Canada in order to find employment and make a life for themselves which is what I've been trying to convince him to do, with my help of course.  I shoot off some funds now and then as I can afford it.  Keep in mind that I am still trying to get my own finances in order after the mini-stroke I suffered back in May.  It was around that time that I heard from him last.  I guess I would best describe myself as a father figure in his life.  Like every true father would I worry about him.

I suspect from his life experiences to date that Brad has trouble trusting people.  I mean, his very birth parents have let him down.  The reasons for that are varied and many I am sure but someway we have to find a way out of this mess.  Everything that I've promised, I have honoured, so at some point I hope that he will open his heart to trust the very person that feels the most for him.  This will certainly help him with other relationships.  We don't live in a vacuum, you know!

What I'd most like to do is wrap my arms around him and give Brad a great big hug letting him know that I love him and that I'm there for him.  Mere words are not enough.  We have a world full of people from different walks of life that say many things and never live up to them, politicians in particular.  Its action that gives it all meaning.  So, Brad, if you or someone you know has happened upon this post, take the time to comment.  You'll long not forget it.!

Be kind and forgiving of people.  Life is like a stage as Shakespeare pointed out.  We come, play our part and then exit.  While we're here (physical presence on Earth), we learn from our experiences and others learn from us, or so it should be, so those are some of my thoughts for the day.   - V

the weekend

Hey, guys, its a weekend and a Thanksgiving Day weekend at that here in Canada. For those of you that celebrate it have an awesome weekend! Our American friends will have theirs in November! - V

lick

Do you know how to get your partner excited or is it always the same old stuff and things getting dull? Try something new and interesting, and take your time about it! Why the rush? Have some fun! Isn't that part of life, having some fun on our journey through it? The journey's as exciting as the destination! - V

relationships

I've long had a spiritual and emotional connection with my boyfriend. Neither of us would deny it! I think he'd like to have me in his arms as much as I would like to have him in mine! How's your relationship and where would you place it? - V

music

I've had a number of boyfriends over the years but Brad has to be the one that has grabbed my attention for the longest and for good reasons. Those in the past were absorbed with self-interest and only satisfying their own egos. One came all the way to Vancouver from Toronto but all he wanted or seemed to be interested in was sex. Perhaps he wasn't that good in communicating, not everyone is, but that was the impression I got.

Brad on the other hand, knows what to say and when to say it. We have a natural spiritual and emotional bond. Even when I had my latest health issues, he contacted me at a time when I actually needed a lift. Since he doesn't have a computer of his own, sometimes communicating is a bit of a challenge but not impossible. He always seems to find a way. For what ever reasons, he cannot be out here until Christmas at the earliest. When he does arrive, it will be well worth the wait for both of us, and he knows it! He'll be wondering why it all took so long! It'll be awesome to hear that deep, sexy voice in person rather than over the phone and wrapping my arms around that awesome body of his. I can't wait to kiss him either! Hey sexy, get here and we'll all be the better for it! I can feel that warm, moist breath of his now!!! Let's make some music and all your past troubles will be just there, in the past and ancient history!!! - V

love

Some time ago I presented a post entitled "define boyfriends", so I managed to find a Corbin Fisher photo that "defines" that post in the form of a t-shirt with those very words on it. There are a couple more CF images to put us in the mood. Take the time to show your appreciation for your significant other, whether male or female, regardless of the sexual orientation. We all deserve to be loved! And while you're at it, enjoy the awesome bodies on these guys. Something worth getting excited about alone, don't you think? - V

Arosa Star - crossing the Atlantic from Germany to Canada

We came over to Canada from Germany on the ship, the Arosa Star, in June 1957. It was part of the Arosa Line fleet of cruise ships (1952 to 1958). The ship was built as the Borinquen at the Bethlehem Shipbuilding Corporation of Quincy, Mass in 1930. She had several names as the ship changed hands and came to a rather ignoble end sinking on the rocks off Port Hueneme, California on April 13, 1970. As I understand it, the new owners of the ship wanted to turn it into a floating hotel but couldn't afford the mooring fees and so anchored it off shore. Unfortunately, the storm brought all those plans to an end. Our crossing unlike the ship's end was flawless! Well, we made it to Canada, didn't we?
Above, my younger brother (left) and I had been at a children's birthday party on the ship, hence the party hats! Norbert and I shared the same room well into our teens. He passed on rather suddenly in 1974 and is still missed very much. Its amazing how strong the emotions are even after all these passing years!
That's our mother left, my brother Norbert and myself on the right. Norbert passed on suddenly in 1974 and we were all affected in one way or another, not at all the same afterward. Mother passed on in 1999. There's a long story about that but I won't get into that here.
I remember that our mother always loved the fresh air and sunshine. Sunning on a bright day in the summer was one of her past times. I love the fresh air and sunshine too but prefer working in it or going on a long hike! - V

Xavier Dolan and the film "Heartbeats"

Last evening I sat down to watch the film "Heartbeats" (in French, "Les Amours imaginaires") that I purchased while in Vancouver earlier that day (Saturday) and mentioned in two previous posts. It must have been the only dvd that the store had because that was the only one I saw on display. It was well worth the $26.99 plus tax that I paid. The cover has the face of Xavier Dolan on the front against a red background. The face is in a black line drawing against the red background with the text in black as well. Its very distinctive!

Xavier is both the director of the film and an actor in it who plays the part of "Francis", along with Monia Chokri who play "Marie" and Niels Schneider who plays the part of "Nico." All I can say is that I can relate to what has happened in the film without giving too much of it away.

Xavier says something about growing up gay in this youtube video clip and if you'd like to know more about him, check out this Wikipedia entry for more. I a threesome and the interplay between each person sounds like something to explore, or you just like to know more about the gay experience, buy or rent the dvd! I'm not going to give much of it away. It would spoil the film if I did! - V

"Like a Brother"

Today I was watching a few dvds I hadn't seen in a while. The most recent one was the film, "Like a Brother" or "Comme un Frere" in French. It is in French with English subtitles and available from Water Bearer Films. The two lead characters are Roman, played by Thibault Boucaux, and Sebastien (a.k.a. Zack), played by Benoit Deliere. Check out the film's trailer here! I really don't want to give the story away but all I can say is its worth watching if you like to understand more about relationships, gay or straight! Relationships can be complicated, regardless of the sexual orientation, especially when we don't understand ourselves. Let me know what you think. - V

friendships

I'm in my 50s, currently single, and friendships have come and gone in these many years. Some have lasted a very long time, some a short time, but all are important to me regardless of the length of time. Its not how long the friendship has lasted but how much each person has gained in a positive way from the experience.

There's a friendship that suddenly ended in the late 1980s. My friend at the time and his girlfriend (who I didn't know was his girlfriend) eloped and no details were left as to why it ended. I even spoke to his roommate but nothing was revealed. I had known him since my high school days or close to 20 years! Sometimes we think we know people but in the end we find out otherwise.

Regardless of the number of friends we may have, its when we get into difficulties and really need them that we find out who our real friends are. Its real friends that will help each other out without looking for compensation knowing that the other will help them out in the same circumstances and at another time.

I want nothing but the best for all my friends and wouldn't want to hurt any of them intentionally or unintentionally. It doesn't always work the same the other way. I wonder whether those that have chosen to end a friendship have thought it through about the manner they chose to end it and how it affects the other person? They probably haven't otherwise the parting would end on a more positive note!

Guys get married and often the old friendships die too. Another long-time friend married and his wife seemed rather anal and controlling. I got some help moving, it took longer than expected, and can often be the case, and his wife was angry (or should I say "mad" in this case?) that he got home later than expected. I wasn't going to buy my friendship, so that one ended. I do have my principles but he would have been reimbursed for his efforts if his wife didn't put up such a fuss.

That brings me to a current friendship that has its issues. Again a girlfriend is involved. If my friend has been given an either/or altimatum or hasn't been fully truthful, then what caused their split in the first place may happen again but with an even more negative outcome. I'm not faulting either party but what we say and do (or don't) can determine the outcome in a positive or negative way. My friend didn't even tell me he had a girlfriend nor why he was confused. Discussing these things helps to work them out, so the outcome is the best for all concerned. He'll continue to be considered a very good friend for a very long time and remains so. What I promised remains on the table as it were. After months of worry, health issues (such as gout in both feet) and the like, I didn't see the current problems coming. Its caused weeks and weeks of lack of focus, lack of appetite and a slowness in getting things done that would otherwise have been completed quickly. I prefer dialogue to resolving issues, not silence! What else can I say?

I'm forever optimistic in my outlook and hope for the best but realistic enough to realize that we each have the freedom of choice. That's what makes human interactions so difficult and complex. A sudden change can alter the outcome completely.

Regardless, a trip to Europe with that special person is still in the works. It'll benefit him much more than me but its why I accepted the request and it'll prove of benefit to every one he interacts with in the future. To throw it aside would be a great loss!

Keep your friendships healthy and strong. They are as important as those with your family, perhaps even more so. Everything worth having takes effort. Things don't happen on their own, its because we make conscious effort to make them happen, even friendships! I love and honour all my friends, as well as family members, each in a different way but love nonetheless!

So, how are your friendships and other relationships in life? Are they flourishing? Something to think about! - V

touch

Yesterday, while on my way to work on the SkyTrain, a cute asian guy, just a little shorter than me, got on at the 29th Street Station. Aside from being cute he was sporting a rather nice bulge in his jeans, plough as they used to say, which also had my attention.

So the train was packed as has been the case since the Labour Day weekend when students came back to school and summer vacations were done for the year. So he stood directly in front of me by the door, my back against the partition and his back to me. Every so often, as the train swayed as it proceeded into town, his body would touch mine ever so gently. It felt rather good actually. I could have easily put my arms around him if I knew him well and if he was my significant other.

Sadly, two stops later he got out to let people past and then went a little further into the train, so the moment was gone. Still it was appreciated and there's that continued longing for my boyfriend who'll certainly make it all right. I think you know who I'm talking about and so does he!

Meantime, enjoy the moment! Everything has meaning, even if we do not realize or understand it at the time. - V

define boyfriends

Yes, define boyfriends! I let mine know in no uncertain terms how I feel about him and what is to happen to make things work for both of us. There's no confusion in my mind and there shouldn't be in his. The most cherished and wildest of dreams will come true, even trips to far flung places around the globe. Hope he's here soon because I truly love him!!!
To add a little inspiration to all this, here are some images of Jerry East by the excellent photographer, Dylan Rosser. And there's more from other photographers below. Enjoy, because I sure am!!! - V

slow, easy day

Its been a rather slow, easy day, nothing too strenuous done at all. I slept in until 10 am, then showered and got somewhat dressed. Breakfast was very light, only a couple of blueberry muffins, a banana and some Earl Grey tea! Then it was off to the computer to read emails and stuff.

I haven't heard from Brad for over a month, since early September. This has happened before in the past. After all, I've known him for three years plus. The longest has been three or four months of nothing. Our contact has been pretty steady all year, and recently, its been at least once a week if not more often. Last I heard he was working in a camp and cooked for the guys. He only had access to the computer when the guy working on it was away. Now that summer is over he may not have as much access to it, or any for that matter. Anyway, Brad, if you do get to a computer and read this, check your emails for a surprise! That's all I'll say for now.

We had some sun here this morning with nearly cloudless skies but the daylight hours are fast coming to an end. Its still sunny but 11 degrees Celsius and expected to drop to 5 over night. We're expecting a week of sunshine, so I may be out tomorrow after laundry is done to take some photos of the autumn colour which is well advanced at this point.

Now I'm having some jalapeno and cheese foccacia bread with chicken cold cuts with tea to wash it all down. Then I'll have a nap for a bit before continuing. There's lots to do, just the motivation to do it is lacking! I'll check in later. - V

thoughts, musings

I first saw the above photo of Edilson Nascimento on the internet back in late 2007 or early 2008. Its such a hot image that reminds me of someone deep in thought, like the thinker!

The overcast skies and rain has been back since yesterday. Most of the week was sunny and warm but now this wet weather describes what we're up against over this Thanksgiving weekend here on Canada's west coast. Its a good time to meet up with family and friends, or to take time to ponder, to think about life and the promises it holds for us. Its also the time to count our blessings, such as family and good friends, that we're working, however humble the job might be, and so on. What have got that causes you to be thankful? Take time to think about it and be thankful, truly thankful!

I woke up this morning with a tickle in the back of my throat, a tickle that hasn't worsened much as the day progressed but my appetite is lessening. I bought some vitamin D tablets in the hopes of strengthening my body's defenses, and this certainly helped last autumn and winter to ward off colds (Rhinoviruses) and the flu (influenza), but I also bought some over the counter medicine to lessen the drip if that becomes an issue. My supervisor was off hunting with his uncle last week. His uncle was sick with the cold and so its likely spread from there to my supervisor and on to me. Oh well, what colds I did get last year were short lived, so I'm counting my blessings. I did go through a seven year period back in the 1980s with no colds, flu or other illness, so that must be due to eating right, getting lots of exercise and plenty of sleep. Staying away from allergens probably helped too! And the power of the mind over matter and negative thoughts probably played a part as well. Right now I'm drinking plenty of fluid and should get lots of rest over the holiday weekend. That's always a good thing!

Turkey dinner is pretty standard for this holiday but I may look to buying a turkey leg and some potatoes instead. There's just too much for one person with a whole bird, so part of it will have to do. I did get some groceries this evening on the way home from work, and made certain to buy a couple of bags of cranberries which went straight into the freezer when I got home. I make my own cranberry sauce, but also use these fruit for other purposes, such as adding to oatmeal or granola, that and some blueberries. Cranberries are great for making a tea out of them, adding sugar or honey and then the freshly boiled hot water. I crush the berries and eat the pulp afterwards. So, what are you having for dinner this holiday weekend?

There's a bit of a dilemma. A friend of mine, a young male, is bisexual and in love with two people, one male and the other female. I won't tell you where he lives since that's not important here. So my question is, does he have to choose between the two or can he have both and have the best of both worlds? I know he's been confused and needs an answer to his problems that is workable. I have many friends, both gay and straight. This one happens to be bi. So does he choose the one or the other and deny part of his being or does he accept both and be a whole person, true to himself? And should he be truthful to both parties and himself? We read about what happens when a marriage breaks down because the guy reveals that he's gay in the papers often enough. There's the aftermath and the hurt feelings on both sides which is something to be avoided if possible. "To thine own self be true", as the saying goes! What are your thoughts on this matter and how would you resolve it so that all are happy and content in the end? I'm looking forward to your comments! He may even read your answers and know that there are options, workable one! I care about all my friends, every one of them, and all of them deserve to be happy, and live fulfilling lives!!!

So, now its off to bed for a good, well-needed night's rest! The official holiday is Monday, Thanksgiving Day! Have a great weekend guys!!! - V

wrestling dudes and more!

The point of wrestling is to pin your opponent's shoulders to the mat for a specified period of time, right? In theory it sounds simple enough a task for two well-matched wrestlers but not necessarily.

John, a friend of mine from high school, was on the wrestling team, handsome and well suited to the sport. We hung around some together after high school during our free time, like for dinner, church services or even watching some hockey games in which a friend of his played (his friend had also joined us on occasion or the reverse). During one such game, Pierre, one of John's friends, skated up to the boards where I was standing watching the game with interest while chatting with John and others, put his hands under my armpits and lifted me up. It all happen so fast and I was up off the floor so quickly that it caught me by surprise but I also got a sense of Pierre's strength and learned to appreciate it. I've not seen either one of them for years.

My friend and former classmate got licensed to ride a motorbike after I did and we'd often ride our bikes to where we had to go. He eloped with a girl and was not seen again, not even a goodbye. His roommate at the time couldn't tell me what happened nor why. For me, I couldn't understand why someone would do that and not at least say a farewell.

Anyway, both guys would look great on a wrestling team together and I'd gladly wrestle either one of them, whether I win the match or not makes no difference. I think of them from time to time. And gee, the memories that are brought to mind by a simple photo. Oh, and keep in mind I was in my 30s at the time I last saw them both!!!

So, as a result of my various friendships and relationships in general, along with the high points and low points, I can greatly appreciate a deep, loving relationship. For this reason, and many others, Brad and I are drawn together to fulfill our destiny individually and collectively, if that makes any sense. - V.

cowboy

While my thoughts are on my partner, Brad has done many interesting things in his life so far, including working as a cowboy! The photo above could be that of any cowboy at all but what's important is, its my cowboy!!! His handle, "SaltWaterCowboy" gives it away, with sailing being one of his other passions in life. We'll have to wait for Brad to give us his story of what it was like and how he felt about doing it. We're all looking forward to your next post as soon as you have ready access to a computer. And for now that's as much of him as you'll see until we have photos of both of us together to post. Until then, you'll just see little hints here and there. Happy Valentine's Day, Brad!!!! - V.