Sunday, November 14, 2010


I'm in my 50s, currently single, and friendships have come and gone in these many years. Some have lasted a very long time, some a short time, but all are important to me regardless of the length of time. Its not how long the friendship has lasted but how much each person has gained in a positive way from the experience.

There's a friendship that suddenly ended in the late 1980s. My friend at the time and his girlfriend (who I didn't know was his girlfriend) eloped and no details were left as to why it ended. I even spoke to his roommate but nothing was revealed. I had known him since my high school days or close to 20 years! Sometimes we think we know people but in the end we find out otherwise.

Regardless of the number of friends we may have, its when we get into difficulties and really need them that we find out who our real friends are. Its real friends that will help each other out without looking for compensation knowing that the other will help them out in the same circumstances and at another time.

I want nothing but the best for all my friends and wouldn't want to hurt any of them intentionally or unintentionally. It doesn't always work the same the other way. I wonder whether those that have chosen to end a friendship have thought it through about the manner they chose to end it and how it affects the other person? They probably haven't otherwise the parting would end on a more positive note!

Guys get married and often the old friendships die too. Another long-time friend married and his wife seemed rather anal and controlling. I got some help moving, it took longer than expected, and can often be the case, and his wife was angry (or should I say "mad" in this case?) that he got home later than expected. I wasn't going to buy my friendship, so that one ended. I do have my principles but he would have been reimbursed for his efforts if his wife didn't put up such a fuss.

That brings me to a current friendship that has its issues. Again a girlfriend is involved. If my friend has been given an either/or altimatum or hasn't been fully truthful, then what caused their split in the first place may happen again but with an even more negative outcome. I'm not faulting either party but what we say and do (or don't) can determine the outcome in a positive or negative way. My friend didn't even tell me he had a girlfriend nor why he was confused. Discussing these things helps to work them out, so the outcome is the best for all concerned. He'll continue to be considered a very good friend for a very long time and remains so. What I promised remains on the table as it were. After months of worry, health issues (such as gout in both feet) and the like, I didn't see the current problems coming. Its caused weeks and weeks of lack of focus, lack of appetite and a slowness in getting things done that would otherwise have been completed quickly. I prefer dialogue to resolving issues, not silence! What else can I say?

I'm forever optimistic in my outlook and hope for the best but realistic enough to realize that we each have the freedom of choice. That's what makes human interactions so difficult and complex. A sudden change can alter the outcome completely.

Regardless, a trip to Europe with that special person is still in the works. It'll benefit him much more than me but its why I accepted the request and it'll prove of benefit to every one he interacts with in the future. To throw it aside would be a great loss!

Keep your friendships healthy and strong. They are as important as those with your family, perhaps even more so. Everything worth having takes effort. Things don't happen on their own, its because we make conscious effort to make them happen, even friendships! I love and honour all my friends, as well as family members, each in a different way but love nonetheless!

So, how are your friendships and other relationships in life? Are they flourishing? Something to think about! - V

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