Sunday, March 20, 2011

life and beyond

This weekend I've been re-potting some plants out on the balcony and have a few more to do. I've re-potted the Spanish lavender and the wintergreen, that is until I ran out of potting soil. I'll do more as we get into the week with a couple of spring heathers and the Cinco de Mayo rose yet to go. The rose gets pink blossoms with yellow centres and the flowers have an apple scent as well. I'll get on with it as we get into the week now that spring is here. Its been around 10 degrees Celsius through the weekend just great time for planting and such!

Scanning the old photos has brought back old memories with the attached emotions that I thought had been healed. Apparently not! My younger brother Norbert pass away late March 1974 and the emotions involved are just as fresh as if his death had occurred yesterday. We share the same bedroom through most of his life. He was 19 going on 20 and I was 20 going on 21. I have wondered if my getting my own room along with other matters had contributed to the end?

Norbert took a bath one evening in late March and never left alive. My father found him hanging from the shower curtain rod with a towel around his neck and the other end around the rod. The police believed it was an accident in that he really didn't mean to kill himself. They told us to tell others that he died of a heart attack because of the taboo against suicide then.

When my mother was doing things that could be dangerous to her health, she was taken into the hospital for observation (July 1999) only to try to hang herself in the women's shower. Old wounds were re-opened. With that my half-brother was only interested in the money he would get and told me how it was going to be before our mother was even dead and buried! Since he was a Jehovah's Witness, it was left to me to deal with the Catholic priest. He considered himself the oldest but for the priest he would have nothing to do with it.

It took three years to settle mother's estate, which was itself an ordeal!

Die of old age, die of natural causes but don't take your life, even "accidentally." You have no idea what manner of heartache you unleash to those around you.

I would truly like to have a long talk with the person that gave my brother the idea. This was years before personal computers and the internet when information of that sort was much more difficult to acquire.

So when my friend Brad decided not to come west as he had promised, I was greatly shocked and it brought up old wounds that I thought had healed. This affected my appetite and my health in general. I do not hold Brad personally responsible because he had no idea what he was unleashing. My only wish is that he would resume our friendship as it was before. It'll do him well for other relationships to come, including his current one. How about that trip to Europe as you promised, Brad? Its a great way for me to end mine and you to move forward in your life!

"Do onto others as you would have them do onto you!" I share this with you so that you give some thought to what you plan and the effects those plans have on others. With that, I'll close for today! - V


MAC said...

What a great life motto. Thanks for sharing.


tamayn said...

There's no real easy way to deal with that kind of pain. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through a situation like that.

We might move on with our lives, but I don't think we ever stop carrying the scars that come, and they open a lot easier than we'd like to admit.

I hope this finds you well!

SpiritMountainGuy said...

I now know much more why the trauma of decades earlier was so fresh when I talked with my mother about the war years experiences (WWII) and why they were as intense as if they happened yesterday!

The scars heal but remain despite our best efforts to minimize the pain.

I am well and active despite some health issues that date back to 2006 and perhaps earlier. We do the best we can under the circumstances.

Thanks for taking the time to comment! - V

SpiritMountainGuy said...

Thanks, Mac! My feeling is that we shouldn't let the negative things we encounter in life get in the way with living our lives to the fullest. Make each moment count!

And then, that which we call "death" is not the end but just the beginning of our journey in this existence we call "life!"


Patric said...

Hi V,

Thank you again for sharing this very painful and sad story. I always wish you all the very best in life, happiness and true love. Thank you for the friendship :)

SpiritMountainGuy said...

Patric, thanks for the kind words. Life is simple but at the same time also very complex. The best way is to take what comes, both positive and negative, even when we've done all the right things to the best of our abilities and simply not overreact to the bad things that might come our way for whatever reason. Treat others as we would want to be treated. Well, as it was about 2,000 years ago, its a start! - V